In My Veins
by disconnectedsoul
Summary: If there's a fine line between love and hate then Faye Chamberlain walks it like a reckless acrobat. Fayana AU
1. The Reckless Acrobat

**Author's Note: So I'm completely obsessed with the character of Faye on Secret Circle and thought I'd try my hand at a Fayana fic because I like the idea of them as a couple. Hope you like it!**

If there's a fine line between love and hate then Faye Chamberlain walks it like a reckless acrobat. It's almost admirable how stubborn she is about picking a side. Emotions are messy and the way she sees it, the only way to manage them is deny deny deny. She's pretty good at it too, made all the better with a little help every now and then.

Tonight's a night for back up, her comrade of choice a bottle of Captain Morgan. Daylight has long since faded but she chooses to keep the lights off in the house. Something about the dark makes her feel calm, makes her feel safe, like she's hidden away from the world and can finally take the mask down. Her mother's out for the night, where, Faye has no idea. Probably off on some date with Mr. Meade. The thought almost makes her throw up. Of all people of course she had to date him. Anything to make Faye's life more difficult. Her Mom knows she doesn't approve but continues to see him anyways and it pisses Faye off to no end. Granted, she couldn't give a reason for exactly _why_ it bothered her that they were dating but shouldn't a mother respect her daughter's wishes on principle?

Tipping the last of the glass down her throat, Faye reaches for the bottle of Captain once more. She's on her third drink and things are only _just_ starting to get a little fuzzy. Sometimes she thinks she should take it easy on the alcohol for a while if only to reduce her tolerance for the stuff. That idea never sticks.

The sound of rum filling her glass punctuates the silence of the house, seeming as loud as the roar of a waterfall. Most of the time she likes being alone. She's good at it. But every once in a while the silence feels like too much. It grinds against her ears, threatening to break her down to dust. Normally she'd call Melissa and make her do something but that's not possible. Tonight the Circle is meeting at that stupid little house in the woods and that is literally the last place and the last group of goddamned people she wants to see. She's been ignoring her phone for hours now, watching as it periodically lights up the kitchen. She's even made a drinking game out of it.

Like clockwork the phone lights up again, vibrating across the counter top. Setting the bottle down, Faye takes a swig of her new drink. She glances over at the glowing screen and her curiosity is like a hard screw digging into her side. Which one of those idiots cares enough to check up on her? After a few moments spent fighting with herself she groans, reaching over and snapping the phone up in her hand. "You're so weak" she tells herself, disgusted.

Faye opens the latest text and stares at the screen. Her eyes trace the name of the sender over and over again. Slamming the phone back down on the table she grasps her drink and downs the entirety of it in seconds. This is turning into a hell of bad night and from experience the only remedy is complete belligerence. Abandoning the glass, Faye grabs the bottle and hugs it to her chest as she migrates from kitchen to living room. Plopping down on the sofa, she sweeps dark strands of hair out of her face and exhales, staring blankly up and the ceiling. When her eyes close she sees the text illuminated on the backs of her eyelids.

_Diana Meade: seriously faye, where are you? i'm getting really worried. _

"Fuck her," Faye spits into the darkness.

It had to be Diana who texted her. Faye knew it would be, she just needed to see it for herself. And now that she has it just makes her feel that much more miserable. Fucking Diana Meade, little miss perfect, the self-anointed leader of the Circle who takes herself entirely too seriously. Faye can only imagine how exhausting it must be to act that moral all the time. She's sure the only reason Diana texted was because she's so desperate to prove herself of being _good_. She's always doing things like that, nice things that Faye can see right through like glass. By and far Diana Meade is the weakest person she's ever met.

Faye shakes her head as if the action will jumble her thoughts. No. She doesn't want to think about Diana. She doesn't want to think about anything but especially not Diana. Nothing good comes of that. She just wants to drink. And it works, for a while. She drinks her way through the bottle and thoughts become harder and harder to grasp.

The alcohol is about half gone when a knock at the door raises Faye from her haze. Sitting up she runs a hand absently through her hair. "Shit." She hides the bottle behind the couch and tries to stand up. Falling back to the cushion, giggling, she sits there for a moment thinking that maybe whoever it is will go away. For a few seconds there's silence but then the person knocks again, this time louder. "Boooo." Faye pushes herself up again, grasping the armrest for support. She's definitely drunk now but functional enough, she thinks, to hold a brief conversation. "Who the hell could that even be?" She makes her way to the door, wobbling only a little bit of the way, which she considers a triumph considering just how much rum is sloshing around in her stomach. The knocking continues as Faye fiddles with the lock on the door. "Don't get your panties in a twist, I'm almost there!" Swinging the door wide open she looks out onto the porch and her brow furrows automatically. In front of her is the most sobering sight in the universe, a frowning Diana Meade.

Sighing Faye leans against the frame of the door. "Diana…lovely. What brings you out to my humble abode? Doesn't your bossy ass have a Circle meeting to be at?"

As usual, Diana ignores Faye's jab. Faye hates when she does this, it's so much more fun when people take her bait. Diana never does…so boring. "Faye, where have you been all afternoon?"

"My house. Listen, if you just came here to ask me stupid questions then you can leave because I was kind of in the middle of something."

"I've been texting you for hours now and you didn't respond to any of them. And then you didn't show up to the Circle meeting. I didn't know what else to do…"

"I didn't have my phone on me, okay? Jesus Diana, who do you think you are, my mother? If you really want to know I'm feeling a little under the weather so I thought I'd skip the meeting. It was a tough decision to come by though, caused me a lot of pain, I assure you." Faye flashes the brunette a wicked, condescending smile.

Diana sighs. "You should have texted me back. I thought something might have happened to you."

"Like you even care." The words come out louder than Faye intended, hanging awkwardly in the air between them. Throughout their entire conversation she's been having trouble tearing her gaze away from the brunette and this is never good. Because when Faye stares for too long she starts to see things she shouldn't. The fact that there are caramel flecks in those big brown eyes or how her hair is so silky it catches the moonlight and gives off the most ethereal glow. Bad things. Biting down hard on her lip, Faye forces her gaze to the ground. Maybe being drunk wasn't such a good idea. It's making things even harder for her than usual. Faye has quite a few secrets piled up in her life for a sixteen-year-old girl but there's one that sits high above the rest. That one thing that kills her inside, driving her to the brink of insanity and back again every single day. And it's all to do with fucking Diana Meade.

"I do care." Diana's words are soft and she's staring hard at the ground when she says them but Faye hears all the same.

"You...care." Faye's insides are screaming. She's completely exhausted, burned right to the end of her wick. She's been holding onto so many emotions for so long and combined with all the alcohol in her system, a breakdown was inevitable. Faye just didn't think Diana would be standing right-in-fucking-front-of-her when it happened. "What's wrong with you Diana? You're just…you're infuriating!" Faye's stepping forward now, right up in the brunette's personal space, her green eyes burning fiercely. Diana tries to step back but finds herself trapped against the railing of the porch. There's fear in her eyes and all Faye can think is that it's about damn time.

"Faye, what's wrong with you?"

She ignores the question. "God dammit Diana there are just so many things that I hate about you." She beings to count them off on her fingers for emphasis. "You're neurotic, insecure, entirely incapable of cultivating your own personality outside of being Adam's precious girlfriend. But you know what I hate the most? I hate the way you just let people walk all over you, specifically me. If you had any freaking sense you would have already left. No, better than that, you never would have come at all."

"I just can't do that. Faye, no matter how much you hate me or how much it hurts when you try and push me away, we're stuck with each other. That's what being part of the Circle means. We're all each others got and I can't, I won't let that fall apart."

Faye shakes her head sadly. Why can't she just give up? Her heart is about to burst. She's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't and at this point, drunk off her ass and barely holding onto sanity, there's nothing left to do but confess. "I lied before. That's not what I hate the most about you. What I really hate, what drives me completely out of my mind and causes me more pain that you can even imagine is that….is that I can't…"

"You can't what?" Diana's confused, her eyes searching Faye's face like the answer will somehow present itself.

"I...I can't hate you. Not even a little bit." And with that sentence Faye surrenders. Reaching out she cups the still confused brunette's face in her hands and kisses her.

It doesn't feel like she thought it would. And she had thought about it quite a lot if she was being honest with herself. When Faye thought about kissing Diana the details of the where and the how were always a little fuzzy. That's the nice thing about day-dreaming, nothing has to make sense. Every time it would just be the two of them lip-locked for dear life. She never had to dream up how it would happen or the variety of responses Diana could have. But the reality of the action is this. The brunette's lips are soft, softer than Faye ever could of imagined. They're soft but unmoving, making her do all the work. Faye presses on because she knows it might very well be the last time Diana ever acknowledges her again. Deepening the kiss in her head she begs, pleads for the girl to do something. Push her away, scream, pull her closer, kiss back. Anything. But Diana remains frozen against her.

Faye growls in frustration. Her hands leave the brunette's face, sliding down her body to roughly grip her waist. Pulling Diana more firmly against her she slips her tongue into the other girl's mouth. At this point she's not really sure where she's going. Like a reckless pilot she plots on through darkness without the slightest sense of direction. Still nothing.

Ripping her lips away, Faye pushes Diana back with a frustrated gasp. "Why Diana?" She practically screams. "Why can't you ever take the bait?" Faye sways a little, suddenly remembering her drunkenness. Leaning against her house for support she shuts her eyes, chuckling darkly. Diana must think she's completely lost her mind. Maybe that's true.

She doesn't look at her again as she turns and pushes her door open. Stopping at the threshold she sighs deeply. "Goodnight Diana." And the door slams shut.

**A/N: So what do you guys think? Worth continuing?**


	2. Lion and Lamb

**Author's Note: Wow, thank you all so much for the positive response and reviews! I have to say, this is a really fun fic to write. Faye is just such a great character to play around with. Ok, well here ya go, chapter 2!**

A normal person would make themselves scarce. That's the protocol for when one drunkenly rapes a friend's face with their mouth and then slams a door in their face…right? A normal person would turn the other way when she saw that friend the next day or even fake sick for a couple of days in the hopes that amnesia might set in. A normal person would care. Faye hasn't been normal a day in her life and she sure as hell isn't going to start just because of some little incident with Diana Meade.

That's what she's decided to label the kiss, an incident. She settled this upon waking up the next morning with a killer hangover and the taste of whiskey permanently stuck to her tongue. So what if she had kissed Diana. Nothing ever means anything when a person's drunk.

So at school, with the aid of a half a dozen Tylenol and the world's strongest cup of coffee Faye walks the halls with her head held high. It's Diana who plays things more aloof. Faye doesn't even see the girl for the first four periods of the day. When she does as they're walking down the hall at opposite ends. Faye only catches the back of Diana's head as the brunette whips around and hurries off in the other direction.

The next time she sees her is at lunch. The Circle always sits together and as Faye takes a seat she notices Diana standing at the doorway of the cafeteria eyeing their usual table warily. With a big smirk on her face Faye smiles and beckons her over with a finely manicured finger. The next thing she knows Diana has fled the room.

Faye stares at the spot Diana had been for a long time after she's gone. While it's fun to toy with the brunette this way, seeing her again is troubling for entirely different reasons. Her heart is still pumping from the brief seconds their eyes held contact. It's as though kissing Diana has awoke something primal in Faye, a beast deep inside of her that Faye never even knew existed until now. And all it wants is to be near Diana, kiss her, feel the softness of her skin once more. It's a thirst that consumes her thoughts and sings in her blood.

"Faye, are you alright?"

Faye's eyes snap to the blonde at her side. Cassie's big blue eyes are on her, concern written all over them. In return Faye only arches an eyebrow in annoyance. Cassie's gaze shifts to Faye's right hand which is pressing into the table so hard groove marks are starting to appear.

"Too much coffee," she says coolly. Pushing her uneaten lunch tray away, Faye stands. Without another word to anyone at the table she leaves, exiting out the same door she last saw Diana use. Once out of the cafeteria Faye begins to stalk about the halls eyes peeled for any sign of the brunette. She feels like some powerful animal, a lion stalking its prey. It's exciting, pumping adrenaline through her in a way that makes her damn happy to be alive. The halls are mostly empty now with everyone having settled into whatever period they've got. There's only so many places a person can hide and Faye knows all of them. She zones in on the handicap bathrooms to her left, nudging the door open easily with her shoulder.

She senses Diana's presence immediately. Her grin widens. Turning around she silently locks the door behind her. Rounding the corner she halts. Somehow Diana hasn't heard her. She's staring at herself in the mirror looking hard for something Faye is sure resides only in her head.

Seeing her up close again gives Faye a true taste of just how mad she's become. Her blood feels like it's literally boiling beneath her skin. She aches in the way an addict does when they've gone too long without a taste of their choice abuse. It's only been a day, not even twenty-four hours since that kiss and Faye feels like she'll die if she can't get another one soon, if not more.

A normal person wouldn't think they didn't have a chance. After the way Diana reacted they would have cashed in and never looked back. A normal person saw the risk of taking things too far. Faye doesn't see any of that. She knows that to get what you want you have to push things as far as they will go and sometimes that means over the edge and diving head first after it. She steps out of the shadows, leaning casually against the first stall.

"Oh hey Diana."

Diana jumps ten feet in the air, her eyes widening comically in a way that makes Faye's insides squirm with pleasure. "F-Faye." She whips around, pressing herself against the row of sinks.

She's like a frightened little lamb. The lion and the lamb, Faye thinks, how perfect. She takes a step forward adopting a look of mock concern. "I can't help but notice that you've been avoiding me today. Did I do something to upset you?"

Diana studies her and Faye thinks that either she must be a damn good actress or Diana is…. "Do you really not remember?"

"Remember what?"

"You…me? I-uh, I stopped by your house last night and you…we…." She trails off uncertainly, refusing to meet Faye's gaze.

Say it, Faye thinks. In that moment she swears that she'll leave Diana alone for the rest of her days if the girl will only just acknowledge what happened between them yesterday, acknowledge what Faye did. But she doesn't. Instead Diana focuses on the floor, her cheeks blushing a deep, betraying red. "You don't remember?" She questions again.

Faye fixes her with a hard stare, one she knows that the brunette will feel even if they're not making eye contact. "No." She lies. "What happened?"

"'I…I'm not sure…"

"Liar!" Faye launches herself towards the brunette, getting right up into her personal space. She places both of her hands on either side of Diana's trapping her against the sink. She leans in, her face dangerously close to Diana's now. It would only take another inch and their lips would be touching all over again. "You know exactly what happened last night just like I do. Why are you pretending?"

"S-So you do remember. Faye, I…I don't understand what you want from me. You were drunk right? I won't tell anybody if that's what you're worried about." Brown eyes dart around from Faye, to the arms that keep her boxed in, to the door and back to Faye again. Her desperation is so damn obvious. Faye knows she should find it weak and pathetic but instead it kind of turns her on. Diana is just too good at playing the helpless damsel in distress.

Faye lets out a laugh but there's no warmth to be found in it. "Oh c'mon, how long have we known each other Di," she says, emphasizing the nickname with patronizing flair. "When have I ever cared about what other people think of me?"

"N-never, I guess."

"Exactly. I couldn't give two shits if you told the entire school what happened between us last night. And what exactly was that again?"

Diana swallows hard. "Well, you were obviously very drunk so I don't think you can really be held accountable for what happened. You should probably cut back on how much you drink because…"

"Ughh, SHUT UP." Faye growls in frustration. "You really are a forty year old woman disguised as a teenager, Jesus H. Christ. Let me make it simple for you Diana, we kissed, locked lips, swapped spit, snogged, whatever the fuck you wanna call it, we did it." Diana's eyes widen like Faye's just swore in church or something. "That shouldn't be new information to anyone in this room. No, what I'm more interested in is why you're avoiding me and why you seem literally incapable of admitting what happened."

"I don't know….I just…" Diana's gaze falls to the tiled floor of the bathroom. "I thought you wouldn't want to talk about it and…and it was really confusing for me."

"Confusing?" Faye hadn't expected that. She wants to press further but being this close to the brunette is making her insides squirm. The smell of her perfume wafts under her nostrils, vanilla and strawberries. The beast in her refuses to be caged any longer. "Well then," she lets one of her arms wrap around Diana's waist, "lets try and make things a little more clear, shall we?" And with that she pulls the brunette forward and kisses her.

Faye feels better the instant their lips meet. It's like she hadn't been able to breathe properly since their encounter last night and Diana is a bubble of clean air. She presses into the kiss hungrily, devouring the girl beneath her to the best of her ability. It doesn't matter that Diana doesn't want this, she needs it and Faye has always been selfish. Her hand claws at her waist, while the other reaches up and cups a breast over the cotton material of her shirt. At this Diana gasps but doesn't push her away. Interesting, Faye thinks. Very interesting. She wonders how far she can push things.

The dark haired girl squeezes the breast, running a thumb across where her nipple would be. She'd love to rip off all of her clothes right there in that bathroom but knows that there isn't enough time. Her other hand has slipped under the hem of Diana's shirt. Her skin is so soft, a groan escapes Faye's lips sending tremors through the kiss that she has yet to break.

All she wants is for Diana to react. She wants to know what it's like to really be kissing Diana Meade. If she's really honest, she wants to know what it's like to be Adam Conant. The thought absolutely kills her but it's true. He's the only one who really knows what it's like. He has her love. The thought makes Faye so angry for some reason. Her fingers curl into Diana's abdomen, moving upwards and scratching flawless skin. At this Diana turns her head, letting out a yelp of pain.

The sound is sobering. Faye leaps backwards, blinking rapidly and staring at her hands like she doesn't know where she is. What is she doing? What has she done? She stares at Diana, breathing heavily. The girl is still flattened against the sink, seemingly frozen. "Diana I'm…" She stops short. What is she exactly? Certainly not sorry, that's for sure. Faye knows that she would do it all over again if confronted with the same circumstances. The pressing desire she felt only a second ago has fizzled like the beast has been called back into its cage.

It was something about hurting her. As much as Faye hates Diana and wants to do all sorts of wicked things to her, hurting her isn't one of them. The beast had gone too far. "This isn't what I wanted." She says. "I've gotta go." And so she flees. As she does Faye has to wonder what it is about being around Diana that makes her such a coward.

**A/N: Hmm, not sure how I feel about this chapter. It just kinda happened. I know you probably hate Faye right now and I don't blame you but I do have a plan! And Diana's behavior will be explained as well. Next chapter defs! Is it too much? Do you hate the direction I've taken things? Let me know what you guys think!**


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